“I have fought the good fight, I have run the race, I have kept the faith.” (2 Tm 4:7)
Today, the feast of St. Paul, is my final day as abbess, and I was inspired to reflect upon these words of Paul in relation to my retirement. The first two phrases: “I have fought the good fight, I have run the race,” are means to the end, but the last phrase is the end itself – keeping this faith of ours. Our faith is in the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, in the mysteries of Christ, especially the Eucharist, and in the mystery of the Church, which is his body. One of the most beautiful moments for me as abbess was when, at the end of both elections, I was called upon to proclaim my adherence to the faith and my fidelity in teaching it – the faith of the Catholic Church. And finally there is faith in the monastic vocation as a call inspired by the Holy Spirit and confirmed by the Church as our particular way of expressing the mystery of Jesus, a way the abbess needs to foster and protect and hand on to those who follow. Note the very important and technical phrase “to hand on” what we have received from the Church. That has been my greatest concern, not to aim to be original, but to be true to the charism and to hand it on truly – both the charism of Citeaux and the expression of it that has blossomed in Wrentham.
I think of our history in terms of a parable. Mother Bernard and Mother Angela each received a hundred talents, and they used them well, producing hundreds more. Even though Mother Bernard had such a short time as abbess, she had the particular difficulties of a raw beginning: a new culture, a totally new community. She persevered in that, and persevered when she was out of office too. Mother Angela didn’t have those difficulties, but as the founding American abbess she was starting almost from scratch to build up a very large and very young community, giving so many years to it despite several bouts of serious illness. And then there was a shift. In line with the logic of the parable, we may say that Mother Agnes received fifty talents and made hundreds more. Though she didn’t have the difficulties of new beginnings and she received from the hands of Mother Angela a very united community, she had a task that neither Mother Bernard nor Mother Angela had. She had that most delicate task of overseeing the transition of a community from living under a strong founding abbess to living from its own internalized strength and identity, and this she did faithfully and completely with her characteristic gentleness.
A historical example: we often think of Abbot de Rance as extremely strong and charismatic – which he was – but he was something else as well, according to Dr Krailsheimer, an excellent scholar of De Rance and La Trappe. As contemporary leadership studies tell us, when you have a charismatic leader, a community can become so dependent on him/her, that it struggles for its identity in the loss of that leader. But that was not the case at La Trappe. Abbot de Rance had given his community such a strong identity, that a hundred years later at the time of the French Revolution, they were there with that same strength and identity. We could say that Mother Agnes did in a minor way what de Rance did in a major way: to make that transition from very strong leadership on which you depend, to an internalization of conviction within the community itself.
So it’s clear from looking at these three predecessors of mine that I was handed the community on a golden platter. I, Mother Maureen, received ten talents. I didn’t have the clear tasks of either Mother Bernard, Mother Angela or Mother Agnes, since I needed neither to found nor to reform nor to guide in transition. I didn’t even need to worry about many years in office! What the fruits will be I can’t say, but one thing I can say about my time and those talents – I didn’t bury them. I really feel that in this way I kept the faith. I love and believe in all the elements of this life so much – community, prayer, desert, silence, obedience, humility, manual work – and I do believe I tried hard to pass on the treasure intact. One of the words that loomed up for me from the Rule of St Benedict after I was elected, which I had never pondered so deeply before, was this psalm verse: “I have not hidden your truth in my heart.” Sometimes it’s easier to hide it, because of circumstances, because of not wanting to displease people. But I really tried to be faithful to this word.
I received a very helpful light on my particular circumstances as abbess, in contrast to the circumstances of those who went before me, from Fr Michael Casey, when he gave our annual retreat a few years ago. The same thought appears in his recent book, Grace: On the Journey to God, but he shared it with me then, in relation to what I was sharing with him. He said that some self-doubt can be a very healthy thing, especially for a leader, because it inclines us to listen to others. He went on to say that it’s not helpful if an abbot or an abbess comes on too strongly with a plan or a vision. I say this apart from the vision we have inherited from our Order which we really need to hold onto strongly, but beyond that, it’s better if the abbot/abbess responds to what comes up from the community day by day of which there will be no lack –not infrequently unexpected or very difficult things that need immediate attention. What is greatly desirable is a ready responsiveness to the Holy Spirit speaking in the hearts of the sisters/brothers as well as in one’s own heart. This way what God wants done will be done because it will be the reality of the community and not theory that will be guiding us.
Afterwards I looked back to my journal and found something that corresponded perfectly with his thought, found that a light I had received earlier was confirmed during his retreat. Some of you may remember that when I went on retreat after my abbatial blessing, I said to you, “I’ll tell you my vision when I get back.” Every morning on retreat before the Blessed Sacrament I said to Jesus, “You haven’t given me a vision yet!” So when I came back I didn’t say anything about the vision that I didn’t get although I often wondered about it. Then two yours into my ministry I discovered it and wrote this in my journal:
“May 2010
On May 20 th I completed two years as abbess. My vision of my ministry is so non-conceptual. It is, rather, day by day, loving and esteeming these particular sisters God has entrusted to me so that they can come more fully into their own in Christ, each one in her own secret name and path. Then through my teaching and my decisions, I somehow hold all these secrets together so that they may support and complete one another in a profound communion in Christ.”
Yes, I can see now that for my entire time as Abbess my role has been to listen to the Spirit speaking in the members of the community and to let myself be guided by this in my decisions for the common good, in my care for individual needs and in my fostering of the various spiritual gifts among the sisters. What a joy it was then to view for the first time our film, Hidden, edited by Chuck Neff. Although it was very incomplete at that point, one thing was absolutely obvious: the witness of how central the values of the Cistercian life are to the hearts of the sisters, especially the value beyond all values, Jesus, who is the deepest meaning of the life, and without whom the other gifts can’t blossom. And yet each sister in the film expressed this common conviction in a very particular and unique way. In this sense, the film put my vision into words.
As for “fighting the good fight” and “running the race,” when “keeping the faith” is in place, the Holy Spirit inspires us in many unexpected ways to go forward with courage and steadfastness in the various situations in which we find ourselves. I have found that when I took my tiny step in faith, he would supply everything else that was needed. I am very grateful for my eleven years in this beautiful ministry and most grateful for each of you, my sisters.