Seventy-Seven Times

“‘Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive?  As many as seven times?’  Jesus answered, ‘I say to you, not seven times but seventy-seven times.’” (Mt 18:21-22)
 
It seems that what God most wants is for us to learn from him how to forgive, how to be merciful, how to love unconditionally.  Created in the image and likeness of the All-Merciful, it is our human call and destiny to be holy as he is holy.  No exaggeration.  To become like God is to become most deeply ourselves.  But this is the project of a lifetime.
 
Jean Vanier comments on the difficulties of learning to forgive:
“Too many people come into community to find something, to belong to a dynamic group, to discover a life which approaches the ideal.  If we come into community without knowing the reason we come is to learn to forgive and be forgiven seven times seventy-seven times, we will soon be disappointed.” ( Community and Growth, 37)
 
Forgiveness cannot be an exception, but a way of life.  But it cannot be pretended or forced.  It is something that needs to be learned, laboriously and with many false starts.  Difficulties in relationships that manifest themselves time after time – seventy-seven times – humble me by bringing me to the realization that I can’t do this “love your enemy” stuff.  I feel helpless in the grip of irritation, resentment and the desire for petty revenge.  Forgiveness may seem easy when we have never really been hurt, when we do not feel threatened, when we have an affinity for the other person and are inclined to give them the benefit of the doubt.  But what about the person who raises my blood pressure just by walking into the room?  In the face of my feelings, gospel charity begins to look like a pipe dream, wholly impracticable in reality.  And then I start to catch myself acting rather like the man in today’s parable: taking for granted the waiver of my enormous debt, and taking my sister by the throat over trivialities.
 
Forgiveness comes as an unexpected gift, only after we’ve done our time with the torturers – the inescapable realization of my own incapacity for love and mercy, with the pain and grinding of teeth that accompanies the lesson.  One day, quite unexpectedly, we find the door unbarred and the way clear for us to take the first step into freedom, into unilateral disarmament.  And when this happens, we are left in no doubt that it is a gift of God and not from us.