What Do You Want?

Last Sunday, I introduced four key questions to ponder as a personal and communal way into discernment.  Our first question – Where are you? – allows us to recognize and name our total state of being, the place from which we begin.  Our second question – What do you want? – digs deeper and invites us to recognize and name the longings and desires that dwell at our core.

From our earliest days, we express our desires unabashedly with a scream or a grab.  Around the age of two, we begin to explore verbal expression of our wishes as we gain awareness of and practice in exercising our will.  A friend of mine once quipped that her daughter was at the stage of “exploring the whole range of nuances of the word ‘No’.”  This is a natural stage of development, and if all goes well, with parents who know how to be firm without squashing our autonomy, who are able communicate necessary limits without also communicating that we may only desire that which is permissible, then we go forward in life with confidence that what we want, our desires, are worthy of attention and respect – even if we do not always get our way.  Unfortunately, all too many of us missed that memo, and ended up fearful or ashamed of our desires, or not even conscious that we have desires, except for the most superficial ones.  We may go through life not knowing what it is we want, and so wandering into dead ends where what we thought would satisfy us leaves us empty, or worse, enslaves us.

So, “What do you want?” is not an easy question to answer.  We may find it threatening.  It may feel risky to ask, because the answer could be dangerous.

Why are you here, Elijah? (1 Kings 19:9)
God asks twice, but Elijah is only able to answer in terms of his present situation of discouragement (where are you?) but not of what he expects or hopes for (what do you want?).  Perhaps implied is a desire either for help, direction, or (preferably) to be released from his mission.

What are you looking for? (Jn 1:38)
Jesus’ question to the first disciples who approach him as the Messiah.  They respond evasively with another question: Where are you staying?  Perhaps they do not yet trust him enough to tell, or they do not trust themselves to name what they truly desire.

Think of the petitions we make before clothing or vows: What do you ask? What do you seek?  A friend who attended my solemn profession remarked with awe on the immense question I was facing, a question she could not even begin to know how to answer.  To answer such an immense question requires that we look deep within, something that is not possible unless we are deeply seen.  Adam and Eve must come out of hiding before they can answer this question.

Our God is a curious God.  When he means to accomplish something new in us, he begins by asking questions.  He goes rummaging under all those leaves for the desire he knows is there, because he put it there.  He does this to make the information he seeks available to us.  Have you ever had the experience of realizing something profound about yourself at the very moment the words come out of your mouth?  We are helped by another’s genuine curiosity to discover ourselves.  It takes courage to name the beauty and goodness we long for, to admit that we want more from our life, our work, our relationships with others and with God.  Dom Bernardus, our Abbot General, has called us to dream, to put words on a vision of what might be possible that takes us beyond what is.  Like Abraham, we begin to imagine a land we cannot yet see.  And once we catch our first glimpse of a newly imagined future, we begin to realize it will require patience, perseverance, effort, and sacrifice to get there.  More on this next time.

So let us ask ourselves, allow Jesus to ask us: what do you want?

Source:
Thompson, C. (2021). The Soul of Desire: Discovering the Neuroscience of Longing, Beauty, and Community. (Chapter 9, “Inquire,” pp. 175-210). InterVarsity Press.

Image: Icon of Andrew the First-Called